Pat Collins

Position; Prop

Look a Like; A 21 year old going through a mid-life crisis

Description; Best known for an open willingness to buy beers for pretty much anyone (male/female/Sharpy). Always plays and trains with a smile on his face. Came second in a barrel look a like competition.

Banter; 2/5

Andrew Kiff - Pubby / Pubs

Position; Prop

Look a Like; Someone dodgy

Description; Rumour has it Pubby has a similar passport arrangement to those Africans' who play in the English premier league - nobody is sure of their age or background. Quality scrummager and great servant to the club.

Banter; 3/5

Dan Tennant - Mini Mayo/Borstal

Position; Hooker

Look a Like; One of the best looking hookers in the club

Description; Loveable member of the front row union, often over shadowed by his older brother. Plays hard and never misses a game. When "socialising" can become Jekyll or Hyde - not sure which is funnier.

Banter; 3/5

James Mc Donald

Position; Prop

Look a Like; The milkman's offspring/Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters

Description; Looks and plays nothing like his illustrious brother. Uni student who enjoys his time in the front row union. Studies Law when not gallivanting off to Dubai.

Banter; 3/5

Mike Stranders

Position; Lock

Look a Like; Chabal / Grumpy old man / Mark Lewis

Description; The self styled Chabal of Harpenden Rugby Club enjoys his tiffs with Stitch and generally saunters around the pitch on a match day. Has been known to socialise with the younger members of the squad.

Banter; 4/5

Will Peck

Position; Lock/Prop

Look a Like; Bubbles from Little Britain

Description; Carries around with him the burden of being in the Peck family and often exceeds expectations as a result. Good boozer with great pedigree.

Banter; 3/5

Andrew Read - Reedy

Position; Flanker

Look a Like; One half of a South African double act

Description; The very last person you want to pick in tackling practice. Hangs around with the wrong crowd (Ben), as a result his banter is lacking. Strong and always tanned and toned.

Banter; 2/5

Ben Allerton

Position; Flanker/Centre

Look a Like; The other half of a South African double act

Description; Long hair and love of beauty products make him the ideal candidate for the backs. However, hard as nails. Strong drinker and a romancer of the elderly in his spare time. Gay beard.

Banter; 2/5

Arrowsmith - Mazza

Position; Flanker/God's right hand man

Look a Like; Ex member of the Hitler Youth.

Description; Whatever is written here will not do him justice. Mazza's biggest fan is himself. Loves the social side of playing as well as the games themselves. Great older head in the side. Fashion guru and enjoys time spent in front of the mirror.

Banter; 4/5

Danny Adams

Position; Flanker

Look a Like; A tripod

Description; Possible contender to Pete the "meat". Continual fear of showering in public due to "training session" disorder. Good tackler and enjoyed the social side of rugby until he was snatched by his girlfriend - shame.

Banter; 3/5

Nick Stevens - Trotter

Position; Flanker

Look a Like; Dan Carter (apparently)

Description; One of Stitch's mates from uni. Plays and trains as hard as anyone although needs to learn how to stop getting injured. Enjoys the banter and the booze both pre and post. The banter duel with Kearnsy make for interesting listening - went to St Marys College - enough said.

Banter; 5/5

Tom Hoare

Position; Flanker/2nd Row

Look a Like; Sloth from the Goonies

Description; Ex first team skipper and work horse at the club. Great clubman to have around even if his banter is so languid. Quality lad both on and off the pitch. 100% Harpenden.

Banter; 1/5

Jim Hoare

Position; Hooker/Prop

Look a Like;

Description; Your "banker" as regards his set of playing skills. Always gives 100% and always gets sent off as a result. Another good clubman who cares about the club. Loves fighting - strange given his job.

Banter; 1/5

Mark Lewis - Lewie

Position; Prop/2nd Row

Look a Like; Mike Stranders

Description; Tough member of both the management and of the 1st team squad. Loves to get stuck in at training and enjoys the camaraderie with his fellow older players. Easy to confuse with Longy.

Banter; 2/5

Andy Brown

Position; Flanker

Look a Like; Brunette Professor Wheatos

Description; From the old-school of rugby playing - plays hard and works hard. When not playing rugby enjoys a well earned glass of milk and polishing up on his fake northern accent. According to Kearnsy "hardest man alive".

Banter; 2/5

Nigel Stanley - Marley, Nige

Position; 2nd Row

Look a Like; A cross between Bob Marley and a 90's yuppie

Description; This proud second team captain offers both versatility and advertising for cigarette companies in a complete 10 stone package. Amazingly has gas and serene amount of fitness. Has an all-year round tan even though is never on holiday. Discuss.

Banter;

Mike Stranders

Position; Lock

Look a Like; Chabal / Grumpy old man / Mark Lewis

Description; The self styled Chabal of Harpenden Rugby Club enjoys his tiffs with Stitch and generally saunters around the pitch on a match day. Has been known to socialise with the younger members of the squad.

Banter; 4/5

Nick Chichester-Miles - Chich / Chichmesiter / Borstal

Position; Backrow

Look a Like; A dog / Mentalist

Description; A Roundwood boy through and through, enjoys the banter of the away fan's as well as making some meaty tackles. Began life in the depths of the 2nd team, beginning to assert himself well among his esteemed colleagues. Lacks effort in social side of the game.

Banter; 2/5

Rob Dumpleton - Dumps / Dumpledore / Le Fleur

Position; 2nd Row / Back Row

Look a Like; A female bodybuilder/ Moe Sislak (from the Simpsons)

Description; Loveable and respected member of the Harpenden first team. Fantastic player who loves to collect yellow cards. Hair looks ridiculous as does his size which makes him stand out as a result. Got "too big" for Harpenden and has since moved to London where himself and Kearnsy enjoy the metro-sexual lifestyle they are all too comfortable with.

Banter;

Sharpe

Position; 2nd Row / Back Row

Look a Like; Sherman from American Pie

Description; Comes in for a lot of stick given his obvious liking to the "sophisticated sex robot". Built for comfort as apposed to rugby the regular second team player tries hard and is annoyingly likeable.

Banter;

Darren Francey

Position; Hooker

Look a Like; Don Estelle

Description; Ever-present member of the 2s / 3s with his humorous take on life, rugby and his personal appearance. Comparable to the dell-boy of HRFC, he can get you anything you wish, but at a price. Steadily making his graceless/full (delete as applicable) decline towards oblivion and the safety of retirement. Second biggest calves in the world.

Banter; 5/5

Stuart Dennis

Position; Prop / Hooker

Look a Like; Someone's uncle

Description; The self styled 3rd team people's champion has had a fall from grace recently. Having not playing in several weeks due to an "unspecified injury" he instead assumes the position of Bianchi's right hand man on the touchline. Gave a hilarious and rousing speech at last year's end of season dinner. Apparently "very useful" as one witness described him, however the witness cannot be named for legal reasons.

Banter; 5/5

Peter Branston - "the meat"

Position; Number 8 / 2nd Row

Look a Like; Wallace from Wallace and Gromit / A tripod

Description; Hailing from the old-school of rugby, one of the only players at the club to speak with a northern accent and not care. As a result is never trusted with the valuables pre game. Genuine hard rugby player with a surprisingly interminable capacity for work and try count. Nicknamed the meat because of his fondness for Tony's cooking.

Banter; 2/5

John Peck - Pecky

Position; 2nd Row

Look a Like; Not really any of his four sons.

Description; Rumour has it that Peck the elder is attempting to form a break away super league by attempting to create his own rival side within Harpenden. With 4* children all equally as able as their genetics allow them they are well on their way to adulthood "Team Peck" could yet make a guest appearance at next season's pub 7s. A stalwart in the 3rd team and long term servant to the club. Great chap to grab a beer and pick the brains of, post match. (* Data accurate as at 30 November 2007.)

Banter; 4/5

Charlie Cross - Crossie

Position; Hooker / Prop

Look a Like; Cross between his son and an old-school bully.

Description; Very aggressive even with his slightly feminine voice. Enjoys the coal face and happy to play anywhere in a black shirt. 2 things escape common sense with this character assassination; 1. His ability to make his nose-bleed in non contact and social situations. 2. His ability to get a ticket to the rugby world cup final. Fulfils the mantle of "win or loose on the booze". Good hard scrumager with old man strength in abundance.

Banter; 3/5

Chris Wilkinson - Wilki / Wilko

Position; Hooker / Centre

Look a Like; The French hooker Dimitri Szarzewski

Description; Another of the young spunkers' in the senior set up. Fantastic set of locks which both appear conditioned and with good bounce. His commitment is slightly lacking as sightings of the good-looking hooker-come-centre have began to diminish. Another lad who made his debut in the Ruislip 2nd team game and came out with his reputation intact. Hoping to see more of this tough tackling hooker at the club.

Banter; 1/5